Who Is Andrew Beattie?

Aloha Good People of Cyber Space-Ville,

I hope you are well, really god damn well, with your jobs, and your money. Its currently 1:50pm on a Wednesday afternoon and I’m sat at my computer, in the front room, listening to the 2009 All Star MLB game repeat on the TV and drinking tea. That is how well my Job Hunting is going at the moment, baseball, on a Wednesday afternoon. It’s safe to say that I haven’t had a call from my previous interview from last week’s update, not that I have actually been told that I haven’t got the job but the chap at the recruitment agency hasn’t returned my call. His name his Charles, and at present I think Charles is a bit of a twat. Now, I know that the chances of me getting the job were pretty slim after the interview but a quick call to advise me that they are looking elsewhere would have been nice and so if you’re reading this Charles, with your job, and your money, thank you for stopping in. See, no sour grapes from me, twat.

Anyway, I said last time that I’d stick to the list and I have been. I have written a couple of letters for family on my crusty Portable Empire Typewriter and have continued on the job hunting front, not very hard, but plugging away gently as is my way. I have also finished a book which I enjoyed immensely, G.W. Dahlquist’s ‘Dark Volume’ about an unlikely trio of heroes set in the Victorian Period. It’s the Second in a series, the first being the ‘Glass book of the Dream Eaters’ which was also a ripping yarn and highly recommended. I’d write a review about them but I’ve just checked Amazon and they have a pretty good summary of the books on there, although the reviews of the book aren’t the best, which is very surprising. Got away with that didn’t I? After finishing the book I’m left in a position that I haven’t been in for a while, I’m out of books and so I’ll be going book shopping at the weekend. I’m not sure exactly what to buy, although I do have a big list and so I’ll almost certainly buy something that isn’t on the list and part of a collection or series, with the remainder going on my list. Maybe that could be my job, book reading. Is there a career in Book Reading? Bear with me a minute, I’ll Google it…5 minutes later…..back again. It would appear that there are jobs out there for people to read books, the only issue being you are likely to have to write a review on them afterwards. As I have displayed earlier in this very paragraph that just isn’t going to happen, well just yet at least. I’ll stick to reading for leisure for now, although leisure is kind of my full time job and so it would appear I have rounded that point off quite nicely after all. Now I just need paying for my job of leisure.

I’ve also had an idea for a book over the past week; well I’ve had a couple of Ideas but one bit the dirt straight away. Sat in bed reading, a couple of nights ago I had a light bulb moment of sorts that I just needed to get in my notebook. After falling over my phone charger and taking my arm out the bin I managed the write the following in my book “Meet every Andrew Beattie in the world, and have a pint with them”, what an idea that was I thought, sure to be a big hit and my drunk mind raced for the next 10 minutes until I passed out. On waking the next morning I wondered why I was using a book as a pillow and looked over to find my notebook in the bin which was now on my desk. Checking my notes I realised that I had possibly had the best idea ever and so stumbled downstairs to tell everyone in the house after first falling over my phone charger again, which happens at least 3 times a day. As everyone else in the house has a job I had to leave the idea in the pad until that evening when I had a meeting with my pal, Phil, who has created my site using his mind and metal, and brawn. I quickly skipped over everything else on our task list so that I could get straight to my point which was now being matured in my mind by Guinness and then my time came. “I’ve had the best idea ever, look at this” I mumbled, handing my pad to Phil. “That’s a really good idea, very similar to Are you Dave Gorman, but then he didn’t have a pint with them” Phil said, letting me down gently. So there that was, my first book idea, done already, and quite famously. I must have heard about it and thought it was a great idea at the time, putting it in the locker in my mind. Ah well, I at least have another idea which I’m sure hasn’t been done before, I mean who would travel around Ireland with a Fridge? Incidentally, if your name is Andrew Beattie and do you fancy a pint, please get in touch. We’ll show Dave Gorman, and Phil.

Anyway, I’m off to continue my job search, slightly more frantically but ever hopeful. The next time I write this site should be live which is weird as it means I have been writing to nobody so far and pretending that someone has been reading it, which you are now, but that’s in the future. Ah well, fuck it. Until next time,

Take care of one another and for fuck’s sake, give me a job.

Tally ho,

Andrew

P.S. My typewriter is running out of Ink Ribbon! If anyone knows where I can pick up any ink ribbons for a portable Empire Aristocrat typewriter please give me a shout as I couldn’t bear to put it back in the loft again.

P.P.S Right, I don’t usually add stuff to my blog entries after I’ve written stuff, well in the 5 times I have written anyway, but in this case I must. I owe Charles an apology, of sorts. I got the call explaining that I wasn’t suitable for the job shortly after I finished writing. Can’t drive and a more experienced candidate were the reasons. Ah well, back to Peep Show, I mean job hunting. Sorry Charles, it would appear that you are in fact, not a twat.